Catching up..

When I started this blog my husband was just about to deploy and I was looking for a way to help myself cope with the loneliness by writing out my emotions. Well as it turns out I didnt write as much (or at all) as I had planned.  Well its been about 7 or so months sense I last wrote something. DH is home and it was a hell of a deployment, seriously. Everything that could have gone wrong did... sometimes twice, and for the the first time in about 50 years airwingers had to engage in combat. Awesome, huh? Not really. And while he said it was "way cool" it was for me, one of those bad days I will never forget as long as I live, . But on the up side he's alive, home and we are happy to be together. 

The business is doing OK, their were a few months I needed help paying for rent and those were really hard times. But in the past few months Ive been getting by on my own. I haven't had a training dog sense November and that dog is STILL HERE cause her owner stopped responding to my phone calls, my text messages and my emails. I dont quite know what to do about that one. So not having a training dog in a few months means Ive been getting by on just daycare, boarding and private lessons. Which is a struggle and a constant worry to say the least. I hate it. Everything about my job I hate. We've been in this house for a year now, and I wake up everyday hating life. As I type that it seems harsh, especially because on the out side my life looks like a dream come true. I get to be home all the time ( means I NEVER get a day off cause I can not leave these dogs alone for to long or people get mad and if I do leave I worry constantly about what might be happening inside that kennel) I have my own little flock of sheep and get to work my dog whenever I want ( the location of my arena is very public meaning if I dont one little thing wrong with those sheep people complain) I get to play with dogs all day ( no. I WORK with dogs, I clean poop, clean kennels, clean yards, and deal with owners) ... so on the outside yes "hate" seems harsh, but I wake up every morning wondering what on earth I may have done wrong now, its an awful feeling, to know that everyday you work your ass off and its never enough, that your husband is miserable in this house and its all because of you. But Im going to fix it. Alot of people are going to be upset when we move but I value my marriage more then I value this job, even if it was a supposed to be this "dream job".