In less then two days my husband will deploy, for the third time. But before I get all sappy how about a little back story..... my husband and I met threw some mutual friend almost 10 years ago.His first deployment was (as I remember it) easy .... he deployed to Japan for 6 months, his second he was given 5 days notice before leaving on a 7 month deployment to Iraq he made a special trip home to tell me in person, needless to say I did not handle it well, we had just gotten engaged and I felt like it came out of no where. But there was nothing I could do. I drove him back to the base that weekend and we said our good byes in front of the barracks as I had to be to work in the morning. The next day he left. Although I was for at least a week a complete emotional wreck. But I was very lucky I was still living with my parents and I was near some of my very best friends who made sure I got out of the house at least once a weekend for a party of some sort.
This time around we have been preparing for some time feels like its been forever. And up untill this week I have been some what fine, a mild panic attack here and there but nothing major. But this week, oh god, this week, I feel as if I have been on the very edge of bursting into complete histaria. I wanted to be stronger then this. I wanted to be able to take him to those white buses and not cry, now though I dont think Im going to make it. Lord help him if he asks me if Im ok one more time I might just break. And on top of him leaving a few months back I thought it would be a great idea to finally start perusing my dream job. I officially became a dog trainer. We moved into a rental house that is set up for a dog trainer to live and work on the property I thought it was going to be amazing. And the reality of it is that the rent is way to high the land lord is a total jerk and every time the dogs bark I get a complaint from the neighbors. My anxiety is threw the roof we've only been here 4 months and I feel its taken YEARS off my life.
So in 2 days I will be living in a house Im not comfortable in that creates the worst anxiety with no family no friends.... just me and a dozen dogs, praying I make enough that month to pay the rent.
The goal of writing this blog is that it gives me someone to talk to. So that I dont completely lose it.
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