It was the weekend of the Marriage of a friend I have known sense birth, her and her new husband are extremely good friends of my brother. It was a destination wedding in Santa Barbara, so saturday morning I got up at 5am took care of all the critters and was on the road from San Diego to my parents house in Huntington Beach then on to Santa Barbara a trip that took us 3 hours most of it was in traffic. On the way up I did a mental check of my emotions to try and gauge how I was feeling about going to a wedding 9 days after the love of my life left for a war zone. And in all honestly I was feeling optimistic, I tried to envision the ceremony, still all was good. I was proud of myself. The ceremony site was absolutely beautiful straight out of a fairy tale. I will admit I teared up a little bit when I first saw the bride. But it was a happy tear. Then the ceremony started and the Paster started to talk about how important the love and support of the people around them would be to their marriage. He then asked if we would stand and to the married couples in attendance to hold hands while we prayed for the newlyweds. That was it. Thats the moment where I lost it. I had to stand there alone, it hurt so bad, all I wanted someones hand to hold. Something so simple, something that I think most of the couples around me probably didnt even think twice about. Well the ceremony moved on and I pulled myself together for the most part but I was a mess of lonely tears for the rest of the day.
I got home sunday evening emotionally and physically exhausted. And still alone.
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